Endless hours
Beep! Beep!
Ring! Ring!
Beep! Beep!
Ring! Ring! Busy.
Your called party cannot be reached at this moment. Please dial after some time. If you wish to leave a voicemail, please record your message after the tone. Beeeeep!
“I just called to say this is my last call and I won’t bother you again.”
Oliver reached for the drapes and pulled them shut. It was a bright day outside for the whole world but only darkness surrounded him.
He felt guilty.
What would that last voicemail achieve? What was he thinking? That he could make Diano call him back somehow? So he could say sorry if Diano answered? So he could run to find him if Diano disclosed his whereabouts? Was he threatening Diano?
He wanted to hurt himself.
One hour later, he sent another SMS.
“Thanks for the lovely time I had with you.”
Oliver was devastated. Sometimes, in life, people had everything they had ever wanted except that special someone who they want to wake up with every single morning for the rest of their lives. To Oliver that special person was Diano. Although their sexual orientation had come in the way every single time, he had kept trying. If that was not love, what was?
Oliver was no angel. He had no wings, no power. He needed help himself. He needed to heal too. It hurt. The pain, the frustration and the disappointment gave him a feeling of déjà vu.
He thought about Priscilla. Every time they had argued, she had quit. She had moved out of the house. She had taken her stuff and left, just like that.
On that dramatic night, after Diano and Summer had left, she had broken down and cried for a long time. Oliver had never seen her like that before. He had never imagined that Priscilla could also have a vulnerable side. She’d asked whether they could be friends someday. Oliver had been surprised.
“Really? Why?” He had asked her.
“Because friendship lasts forever,” she had said, with tears in her eyes.
“How many ex-lovers turn into friends? Sorry.” He had no interest in keeping a relationship with her.
On the way out Priscilla had left the key to his flat on the coffee table. He had found that out on the following morning. There were two keys. The second one was from Diano. And then he’d realized he could never get back with Diano again. It was a stupid mistake. He had no idea Priscilla would be home waiting for him. He had no idea Summer, whom he treated as a friend, would get high and hit on him. But it was no use blaming them. It was his mistake. He shouldn’t have given in to Summer’s advances. What a shame it must have been for Diano, to be caught in next to nothing and then be attacked by his boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend. But that wasn’t all. To see his boyfriend and his best friend making out at his boyfriend’s place. Shit! What had he done! How had he let that happen?
Drinks? More drinks? Why not? It took his mind off the whole thing.
He had taken a day off from work. When he went back to office on Tuesday, he had struggled more than he had expected to. Oliver was no longer the Superman he thought he was. He’d let everybody down. He’d let himself down. He couldn’t concentrate at work.
After a few hours, he’d taken Daniel aside and requested he be granted a few days leave. Daniel was okay with that, but he wanted Oliver to finish off his pending tasks by Friday.
He had wanted to go out on Friday night, meet new people and make new friends. But as the weekend drew closer his bravery vanished, leaving him feeling lonely and miserable again.
He stayed up all night playing Xbox. Lack of sleep made him look like shit but who cared? He spent mindless hours looking at the movies on the cable without watching them. He thought of going away on a trip. But go where? Brazil? He needed to get away from all the trouble. But would he be able to get away from his own mind? No. Traveling wasn’t an option. He’d probably end up doing something more depressing.
He thought about quitting his job. Maybe. He didn’t care any more.
He wanted to walk away from all the pain. But would he really be able to get over Diano? How?
His stomach grumbled and ached. He hadn’t eaten solid food for over 45 hours… Just gin tonic, vodka, Baileys, water, apple juice, ice cream…
Who cared? Nobody. It was too late. He had no strength to climb that hill any more. Maybe he should lie down for some time?
Would praying help? No. No good. And then, his fingers, as if they possessed a mind of their own, dialed Diano’s number again.
Beep! Beep!
Ring! Ring!
Beep! Beep!
Ring! Ring! Busy.
