Do you even know?
“I told you he exists.” Andy sat down on the bed. “Why don’t you believe me?”
“It’s just a dream,” said his mom.
“So what? Why do I dream the same dream over and over again? Why do I see the same guy in my dreams? Is there an explanation?”
“It was crowded and the person was inside the train. We were outside on the platform,” said Sky. “Maybe your mind was projecting your thoughts? Maybe you saw what your mind wanted you to see?”
“I’m sure it was him. There’s no way I’d mistake that face.” Andy got up and paced the floor again.
“You’ve got to relax, son,” said his mom.
“I wanna go back,” Andy said.
“To Taipei?” asked Sky. “That’s crazy, Andy.”
“No! I wanna go.”
“Okay, okay,” said his mom.
“Let’s assume it was indeed him. How’d you find him?” asked Sky. “Taipei isn’t a small city and we don’t have his name or photo.”
“I know.”
“And we don’t know whether he’s from Taipei. He could have been traveling just like us. A tourist.” Sky looked at him in the eye. “Don’t think we don’t support you. But it’s impossible to track down the guy from your dreams without solid information.”
“I’ve seen his face.”
“But how can we show it to others?” asked Sky. “How can we ask others whether they’ve seen him?”
“I can sketch his face.” Andy wasn’t sure if he could actually do that. But he had to say something, he had to do something. He couldn’t just let the matter fade away.
“That’s great,” said his mom.
“Okay. You work on your sketch then,” Sky told him. “Once it’s ready, we can ask around.”
“Isn’t there any search engine, like Baidu or something, that could search by images?” asked Andy.
“Not on the Internet,” said Sky. “You can’t use an image as a criterion for searching images. At least not yet.”
“Why not?” Andy sighed.
“I guess it’s never been made? Maybe it exists somewhere but not out on the Internet yet.” Sky shrugged his shoulders.
“Oh God. I can’t sleep until I’ve found him.”
“Please, son, calm down. If you don’t take rest your headache will be back.” His mom pleaded.
“You’ll need energy to focus on finding him once the sketch is ready,” said Sky. “There’s no point in jeopardizing that by not sleeping. You must sleep.”
“And you have a day job too…” his mom said.
“Okay. I’ll try to sleep.” Andy smiled.
There was a look of relief on the others’ faces.
###
It had been raining for a major part of the afternoon. Fortified with an umbrella, Andy walked to the bus stop. After waiting for a while, he felt restless and decided to walk home instead.
As he walked by the shops, he noticed how the drops of water on the windows shone brightly. He felt a shiver go down his body. He was sure this was supposed to mean something to him. Was it a song? Was it a poem? What was it?
Waiting for you
I’ve been thinking of you
No plan to meet you at all
Just a chance — phone call
What came next? He wondered for some time and then words came to his mind. Words that reflected the cold emptiness inside him.
When I walk on the streets
Rain comes pouring down
Under the brolly — all alone
There’s no hand around
Andy wasn’t sure if the song existed outside his mind. Did it matter? It was his reality anyway.
Water on the windows
A thousand fires inside — keep burning
And I live my life with one big fear
He passed by the One-Line coffee shop. The logo in the window reminded him of Starbucks. Where had he seen Starbucks before? It was a coffee shop. He used to drinking there. He didn’t remember seeing any in Guilin. It must have been in Shanghai. Shanghai. Something was amiss. Was his dream guy from Shanghai? Had they met in Shanghai? Where in Shanghai? He had read Shanghai was a huge city. He must finish that sketch. And then there was that feeling of déjà vu.
Was it the wind that blew across or was it the memory of someone’s hand brushing his face? Was his mind playing these tricks or was it trying to tell him something?
Cold coffee, cold day
No candles, flowers, chocolate
No one to add to the romance
To sing my favourite song
And when the snow falls
So many times in a year
There’s no kiss
I just worry if you’re okay
The words didn’t rhyme at all but somebody had told him it didn’t matter whether words rhymed or not. What was important was they make the song together. Could hearts communicate without talking? If they could, Andy wanted to tell the guy how much he loved him.
When Andy shut his eyes, he could see him in his mind. Clearly. Close. That was the only place in the world where nothing could separate them.
I miss you everyday
When you leave me by myself day by day
And I say — I love you
Baby tell me when do I see you again
Tears rolled down Andy’s eyes. Would he manage to find him? Did he miss Andy like Andy did him? Did he remember Andy? Did he even know Andy existed? Did he know Andy loved him? Did he know Andy was his love? So many questions. No answers.
Andy’s heart ached. Why was he going through so much pain in love, in life? How long could he go on living like this — lost in the wilderness? How long would it last? Forever? No! He was in control of the situation. He was going to surmount it.
He had to get home as soon as he could. The half-finished sketch lay on his table waiting for him. He’d thought it would be easy to draw from memory. It wasn’t. Why didn’t his hands have eyes to see that lovely face? The face that meant the world to him — his only reason for hanging onto this mundane existence.
After reaching home, he shut himself in his room and continued working on the sketch. His mom called him for dinner, but he was in no mood to eat that night. There was so much to draw. There was no time to waste. Every second, every line on that canvas took him a wee bit closer to his reality. Or was he slipping into a world of fantasy? Was his mind playing these games? Who should he trust? His mom and Sky? Or should he trust his own instincts? Questions, questions and more questions. He sat there drawing with concentration while his mind tried to think a thousand things at the same time.
