Books books books
The walls were lined up with shelves upon shelves upon shelves. The big hall was divided into different rows by more bookshelves. And there were books, books and more books. On the first day, Andy had been scared. He couldn’t remember seeing more books under a single roof anywhere. He felt lucky to have landed the job of an assistant librarian all by himself. The path hadn’t been easy, but the result counted.
After weeks of looking for jobs nothing had worked out for him. Sky had introduced Andy to some of his friends. One of them owned a clothes shop. He was okay to take Andy in as a temporary staff employee. Andy had been overjoyed. He joined the job as a salesman and was excited about it. Meeting new people, doing something meaningful and getting paid were the factors that drove his enthusiasm. Finally — he had a job!
In the beginning he’d loved the job. Everybody was nice to him and helped him do his tasks. They tried to teach him the art of selling but he wasn’t good at it. Even after weeks of attempts, he couldn’t sell anything on his own. He began to think he was wasting others’ time and pulling the overall numbers down. He was determined to try harder and he did. His mom showed up with lunch everyday without fail, like an angel. What a blessing to meet her in this life. Twice!
As the days went by he noticed the special feeling wearing off. The others were not as nice to him as before. It was as if he’d become a burden. Then one day he overheard two co-workers talking during a break. They hadn’t realized Andy was within earshot.
He learned some hard truths that day. Sky was paying his friend to employ Andy. All the while, he’d been living on Sky’s generosity! It broke his heart. He also learned that none of his co-workers thought highly of him. To them he was a burden. Helping him out meant that they couldn’t work for themselves. Commissions depended on sales and they hated losing valuable time over Andy.
It had angered Andy too. He had repeatedly told Sky he wanted to earn his own living. He didn’t want to depend on anybody. Was that difficult to understand? Why had he done it then?
He started looking for jobs again and, after a few unsuccessful attempts, managed to land the one at the library. The head librarian, who was conducting the interviews, was surprised to see him. He told Andy he knew one of Andy’s teachers, who had mentioned Andy’s case to him in passing. It had touched the guy’s heart and so he was happy to give Andy a chance. So far so good, Andy had thought. But confronting thousands of books on so many unknown subjects was a different story altogether. A bit scary but in a good way.
His job, as explained by his supervisor, was quite straightforward. He was in charge of putting back all the books, left out of place by the visitors to the library, in their assigned places. It had taken him some time to learn and remember where each section in the library was located. After that the task was quite simple. All he had to do was read the label on the book and locate the row. Then he would look for the topic and the number.
When new books arrived, he would print the labels, match with the book names and stick them on. It was a good job, he thought. It didn’t stress him out and he had a lot of free time. So he cultivated the habit of reading. He’d go through all newspapers. The articles that interested him most were the ones with pictures. He’d scan through each one and skip it if the topic was boring.
His mom kept bringing him lunch everyday. He had suggested she pack him a box instead of carrying it all the way to the library, which was farther from home than the clothes shop had been. But she had insisted on bringing it in herself since it was her duty to take care of him. Andy knew she needed to see him and ensure he was okay. He didn’t mind that.
She had encouraged him to go through translated works from western literature but he didn’t like the long stories. He preferred shorter ones. Moreover, he couldn’t relate to most of them. Finding him struggling, she had then recommended he read travel guide books and journals. Since most of those books contained photos, Andy enjoyed going through them.
When he read about Shanghai, names of some places had appeared familiar. He’d recognized some places from the photos. But it was just that — a feeling of recognition without an inkling of recollection. It was frustrating and yet it made him happy. He hoped one day he’d be able to open the door behind which his memories were hidden away.
Andy felt guilty about pushing back at Sky, but somehow he couldn’t accept him as a lover. A good friend, yes, but not a lover. Yet Sky hadn’t given up on him. He had continued being nice to Andy and always asked him out on weekends. They’d walk around or watch a movie. Sometimes, they went shopping.
Andy’s clothes had grown tighter. He felt uncomfortable in them. He knew he had been slimmer before. The photographs were proof of that. But now, he looked three times the size he used to be. He spent a lot of time studying his face in the mirror everyday. Yes, it looked different and fatter. Deep down inside he didn’t like that. He wanted to slim down again.
He went through the photo albums, which his mom had shown him, every single evening before he slept, trying to remember something, anything. Sometimes he’d have strange dreams. And it always featured the unknown guy from the train dream and, sometimes, his mom but never Sky.
His heart was waiting for something to happen. It also told him he had a lover somewhere. He hoped his lover was looking for him. It was the hope that helped him sleep at night.
