Afraid of myself
It didn’t matter what time he slept; Oliver always woke early. He stretched an arm to switch off the alarm and then decided not to. It was yet to go off. He wanted to get out of bed and go wash his face, but Diano’s arm was spread across his chest.
Diano lay hidden with just his eyes and nose poking out from under the blanket. When he tried to lift Diano’s arm off his body, Diano mumbled in his sleep and then smiled. Oliver hoped he was having a happy dream.
After some time, Diano woke up.
“Good morning,” said Oliver.
“Uhmm. Good morning.”
“You can sleep some more.”
“Yes, I feel tired.”
“And lazy?” Oliver teased him.
“Maybe lah.” Diano pulled the blanket over his head. “Also, cold.”
“Do you want me to turn off the AC?”
“No,” Diano said.
“Then?”
“Nothing.” Diano moved closer but turned his back towards Oliver. “Norman.”
“Yes?”
“Do you like me?”
Oliver wanted to look at his face but he could not. He wasn’t sure whether Diano was serious or pulling his leg. He decided to play along.
“Why do you ask?”
“Because I want to know. Yes or no?”
“You don’t know?”
“Aiya. Just answer my question lah.”
“Okay, okay.”
“So?”
“So what?”
“Yes or no?”
“Yes or no what?”
“Do you like me — yes or no?”
“Yes, of course, I like you.” He laughed.
“Then why did you take so long to answer me?”
“Because I’m feeling lazy lor.”
“Sei fei jai!” Diano teased him.
“No lah. I’m lean ma.”
“Humph. I don’t think so.”
“I’m not fat. You can see.”
Diano turned towards him and moved closer, under the blanket, until his head rested against Oliver’s chest. Oliver put his hand on Diano and pulled the blanket away from over his face.
“Can I sleep some more?”
“Sure.” Oliver ruffled Diano’s hair.
“Stop it!”
“Why?”
“Only my boyfriend’s allowed to do that,” Diano said.
“Why?”
“Because I don’t allow anybody else to touch my hair.”
“Then why do you allow me?” Oliver laughed.
“I don’t.”
“But you let me do it anyway.”
“That’s because I can’t fight you.”
“Why?”
“You are big and strong.”
“Silly boy. Ha-ha”
“Yes. Do you have a problem?”
“No. I like silly boys.”
“Silly boys or me?”
“You.” Oliver laughed. “Is there a difference?”
“Yes, there is.”
“Why?”
“Silly boys aren’t afraid to hug you.”
Oliver wanted to laugh but stopped himself in the last moment.
“Are you?” he asked Diano.
“Am I what?”
“Afraid?”
“Afraid of what?” Diano asked.
“Afraid of me?”
“I’m afraid of myself.”
“Why?”
“I’m afraid of falling in love again.” Diano whispered.
“Oh.” Oliver wished he hadn’t asked the question in the first place. He didn’t want Diano to think about love or Andy. He put both hands around Diano and gave him a big squeeze.
“What’s next? A kiss?” Diano asked.
“Why not?” Oliver teased him. Diano’s face went red. “On second thoughts, maybe not. You haven’t brushed your teeth yet!”
“Why?! You!” Diano protested and tried to push him away but Oliver was stronger. He managed to keep his hands wrapped around Diano.
###
“Did you guys have a good night?” Tina asked Diano.
Diano didn’t reply. He just smiled.
“Yes, we did,” Oliver said.
They were on their way to Tai Po. Diano had told him he couldn’t ride a bicycle. At first Oliver had thought Diano was lying but later realized he was not. So, Oliver and the others made a collective decision to shorten the route. Instead of driving to Tai Wai, they drove to Tai Po and rented the bicycles from there.
“I’m not sure I can make it to Tai Mei Tuk,” Diano said.
“Don’t worry. You can,” Tina said. “It’s not that difficult.”
“When was the last time you rode a bicycle?” asked Oliver.
“A few years ago.”
“Why don’t you try first? Go on.”
Diano sat on the seat and rolled the bike along. The others hopped onto their own bikes and rode behind him.
“You should all go ahead. I’ll slow you down,” Diano said. “Just ignore me.”
“It’s okay. I’ll come with him,” Oliver said to his friends. “You guys go at your natural speed.”
The crowd took off. Tina winked at him as she passed them.
“Take care of him, Ah-Chun. He’s the girls’ darling.” She shouted making Oliver laugh.
“Are you okay?” he asked Diano.
“Yes, I am. It’s coming back to me now.”
“Good. Let’s ride slowly.”
They rode one behind the other and sometimes side by side, with frequent breaks. They reached Tai Mei Tuk after two hours. They parked their bikes and joined the others for a late lunch at one of the restaurants along the road. Everybody was in a jolly mood. The girls, as expected, hung around Diano trying to get him to eat more while the boys looked on.
After lunch they rode along the length of the dam several times until Diano was tired. On Oliver’s suggestion, they sat on the ground and waited for the sun to set.
