The lost world
Andy put the book down on the table. It was his favourite book, or so his mother had told him. She was nice to him and took good care of him. She made sure he ate his meals and took his medicines on time. She also tried to help him remember his past.
Just two days ago they had been to his school. He had studied there for many years. Some of the teachers still remembered him. But he couldn’t recognize them at all. There was a certain familiarity about the building though. He felt as if he’d been there before. He knew he’d been there before. And then… nothing else. Just blankness. He couldn’t remember anything about his school life.
So, now, he wasn’t sure if it was really his favourite book. Anyway, a book wasn’t important.
“Are you hungry, baby?” His mom poked her head into his room.
“Not really.” He pushed back his chair and headed for the bed. He wanted to lie down.
“Let me know when you are hungry. Do you need anything else?”
“Yes,” he told her as she walked in.
“What is it?”
“My memory.”
“They shall come back with time. Don’t you worry so much,” she said as she pulled the chair close to the bed.
“I know. But I can’t stop worrying. And the headaches haven’t gone away like Sky told me they would.” He pressed his right thumb against his temple.
“They will. Have you taken the medicine today? Oh, yes. How silly of me.” She shook her head with a grin.
“That much I can remember.” Andy smiled. “I can remember everything after waking up at the hospital in Shanghai. But…”
“Well, we are trying everyday. And you do remember some of your paintings and books.”
“Yes. But I can’t remember important things. Sky said I used to work in Shanghai. I don’t remember that.” He tightened his jaws to stop the pain in his head.
“Do you want me to massage your head?” Without waiting for a response, she moved her chair closer to the end of the bed where Andy’s head rested.
“Thanks.”
“Do you want to go out with Sky tonight?” She began massaging his head gently.
“To do what?” He didn’t feel strong that day.
“Dinner or something. I don’t know. He asked me to check with you.”
“Can I skip it?”
“Sure.”
“Will he feel bad?” Andy wondered aloud.
“I don’t think so. He loves you very much. I’m sure he wants you to rest well.” Her fingers worked magic over his head.
“Is he really my lover?”
“Of course. Why do you ask that question?” She stopped massaging and waited for his response.
“I really cannot remember anything about him.”
“That’s alright.” She smiled and resumed.
“No, it’s not. I don’t feel that’s okay. It’s not about remembering my past. It’s the way I feel about him.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s a nice guy. He takes care of me so much but — I cannot feel his love at all! It’s as if… as if I don’t love him.”
“Don’t say that. You have always loved him. Don’t let the loss of memory bother you.”
“I may have loved him in the past but I don’t love him any more. I know this sounds very bad and it’ll break his heart. I can’t get myself to accept him as my lover.”
She stopped massaging his head and sat back.
“Why do you feel that way?”
“I don’t know. Actually, it’s a strange dream I had a few nights ago. I was inside a big building waiting for Sky to come back from a trip. He’d been away for some time…”
“Then?”
“When he came running to meet me and hugged me, I hugged him back. And then when I pulled back to look at him, I realized he was not Sky.” He waited to see her reaction.
“Huh? But you said he ran to you and hugged you.”
“Yes. But it was not Sky. It was somebody else.”
“Then?” She looked surprised.
“It was so shocking that I woke up. That’s why I’ve been thinking about this. Somehow I cannot feel his love for me.”
“That’s just a dream. You shouldn’t think about it.”
“I know. But what — what if it is true?”
“Dreams aren’t true. They are just what our minds want us to see.”
“But…”
“You must have thought about your trip from Shanghai and then somehow remembered somebody from the past or another passenger’s face.”
“Exactly. It was somebody else’s face. It wasn’t Sky’s. Why would I see somebody else’s face if I loved Sky?”
She had no answer.
“Mom, I don’t love him.”
“Don’t say that to him, son. He’s doing so much for you and I know, from your past, you two loved each other very much.” She looked sad.
“Can you tell me more about it?”
“But you know all about it already.”
“No, I meant what happened afterwards? What happened in Shanghai?”
“I don’t know.” She looked away.
“You don’t know or you don’t wanna tell me?”
“I don’t know what happened.” She continued to look away.
“Try harder, please. I need to know this. Did I call you from Shanghai?”
“Yes.” She smiled as she turned to face him.
“Good. Did I mention somebody else?”
“You’d made new friends there. Sometimes you talked about hanging out with them.”
“Do you remember their names? Do you have their photos?”
“No. You never told me their names. I don’t have any photos. How does it matter? If it’s important it will come back to you.”
“What if it doesn’t?”
“Well, then it wasn’t important or never happened,” she said.
“What if it was important and had happened but it won’t come back?”
“Then you have to let it go.”
“I cannot. I can’t let it go. I can’t remember anything about my life here. Can I let it go too? I can’t.”
“What matters is we are here. What matters is Sky loves you and is looking after you well. Until you can remember everything, you should be nice to him. Not because you need to be polite, but because he is nice to you. We are a family now. We always were.”
Andy couldn’t respond to that. His head felt as if it would blow up.
She got up.
“I need to do the laundry. You take rest.”
