You don’t belong here
Diano dreaded being late to family gatherings. He was in jeans and a plain-looking red tee shirt to go with the Chinese New Year theme. The whole carriage was full of happy people wearing new clothes to mark the new year. The only thing new on him were his red briefs. He chuckled to himself.
He was carrying a bagful of chocolates and small gifts for his family. He had no idea how they would react to him. His mother would welcome him. But his dad would probably say something nasty or, worse, say nothing at all.
He longed to see his younger brother. Diano didn’t know whether his brother was old enough to understand. He must be. Teenagers were pretty sharp these days. But the 8-year gap between their ages brought in a generation’s difference in their thinking. He didn’t know what he would talk to his brother about. Maybe ask him a few questions about his school?
When the train pulled into Tsing Yi station, he got off. As he walked past the passengers waiting to board the train, he caught sight of somebody. The face looked familiar but he couldn’t remember where he’d seen the guy. He was sure it wasn’t very long ago.
He made his way through the festive crowd at Maritime Square to the restaurant. His family and relatives were at a big table towards the back. It was a typical Chinese New Year gathering, which to him was just a ritual. He was doing this more for his mom than himself.
His mom got up and hugged him. He wished the others politely. Everybody responded except his dad.
He sat next to his mom and enquired about his brother. She told him he was visiting his girlfriend’s family for lunch. Dang.
His relatives were busy making small talk. One cousin had bought a 42″ TV. Another had bought a car. One of his uncles was considering buying a flat at The Arch above the Kowloon MTR station. Someone commented about how scenic the view was from there and how well you could see the fireworks.
As Diano ate, his mind couldn’t help but wander away to Guilin. He missed Andy. It was a strange feeling. He had spent a long time trying to locate Nyle and he always hoped to find him one day. But the love for Nyle was growing weaker. It was slowly losing control over his life. Was he getting over Nyle after all? Or was it his weakness for Andy that made him feel that way?
There were many things to discuss with Andy. A long distance relationship wasn’t easy to work. It had its own problems. Out of sight meant out of mind. Maybe there was a chance Andy could move to Hong Kong and live with Diano. He could look for a job here rather than stay back in Shanghai. Gosh, he wanted to fly to Shanghai at that very moment.
One of his aunts broke into his thoughts.
“Sorry?” Diano couldn’t hear over the noise. “Please, speak again.”
“How’s your girlfriend?” she asked.
“She’s fine,” he lied.
“What’s her name?” Another Aunt joined in.
Diano hesitated. He didn’t want to take Summer’s name. Darn, he couldn’t think of another name.
“Su-san.” He blurted out.
“Susan. Hmm. That’s a pretty name. How old is she?” This time it was an uncle.
“Twenty-three.” The hair on his nape was awake.
“When are you bringing her around?”
Diano wasn’t sure whether it was deliberate or not, but the game was on. He had to play the next move. Or lose.
“When she returns from Australia.”
“What’s she doing in Australia?” It was the first aunt.
“Studying.” Diano avoided looking at his parents.
“Studying what?”
“Law. She wants to be a lawyer.” Diano hoped nobody would have further more questions.
“I need a lawyer,” the second aunt said. “I want to draw up my will.”
“Why don’t you find someone who is qualified?” her son asked her.
“Well, it would be good to have a lawyer in the family. I don’t need to pay.” She laughed.
So cheap. Diano chose to remain silent. He put on a smile as he stole a glance at his father; he was frowning.
“Well, if the long distance relationship doesn’t work out for you, I know a beautiful girl,” the second aunt said. “She’s my best friend’s niece.”
“Thank you.” These people never gave up, did they?!
“Actually, I think you should get married soon.” She went on.
“I’m just twenty-five!”
“Then you should start making plans. How long are you gonna live with your friends? You should look at investing in a flat right now. If you plan early, you won’t be sorry later.”
“Mom!” His cousin, Brian, spoke. “Let him be.”
“What? And let him turn out like you? Look at you. I’m getting old. You don’t care. You should get married so that I can relax and live a peaceful life.”
“You can never relax. Forget about peace. You can never let anybody have a meal without bringing up some nonsense topics.” Brian looked pissed off. “What Diano does is not your business.”
Did Brian know about him? Diano had never expected any support from him but Brian was standing up for him.
“Humph.” Brian’s mom snorted and shut up.
After lunch was over, Diano thanked Brian who just laughed it off.
Everybody except his parents said goodbye and headed to keep up with their various commitments.
“Come home, son,” his mother said.
“There is no need.” His father intervened.
“Don’t be like that. He’s our son.”
“He may be your son. He is not mine. He stopped being my son from the day he decided to be like that.” He raised his voice as he spoke to her.
“It’s okay, ma.” Diano was afraid his father would attract unnecessary attention and embarrass his mom in public. In his life, he’d done nothing for her that would make her happy. He couldn’t bear to give her any more pain.
“You don’t belong here. Don’t come back again.” His father pointed a finger at him. “I don’t want anything to do with you. I have only one son. To me, you don’t exist any more. So don’t bother coming back to our family gatherings and lying to my relatives.”
“But he did that to protect you from embarrassment. Can’t you see that?”
“Shut up,” his father said. He turned towards Diano. “Get out of my life. Sei gay low.”
Tears flooded Diano’s eyes. He couldn’t believe his father. So much hatred! He had plunged yet another knife right into Diano’s heart. He tried to look at his mother but his vision was blurred. He felt his mouth twitch. He knew he would start crying any moment, but he didn’t want to show it to his father. He had never cried in front of him. He would not show him his weaker side. He didn’t want to show it to his mother either. She was heartbroken already. Seeing him cry would make her feel worse.
He turned around and walked down the escalator towards the MTR station.
